It’s Lyme Disease Awareness Month. Today’s Moxie on Monday is dedicated to Lyme warriors all over the world and to anyone struggling with a chronic illness.
Lyme is a bitch. But this post really isn’t about Lyme. It’s about choice.
In 2014, Lyme Disease was my personal question of Life … or Death?
Moxie was my answer.
Moxie was a decision to be well. Moxie was a choice to live life to its fullest. Moxie was a choice to thrive rather than survive.
I’m not a doctor. I’m a woman with a story. I found my answer. Your answer lies within you.
I’m a woman who not long ago didn’t have a life in front of her. Now I do.
What changed for me? An inner decision – a decision to be well. I flipped a switch internally – a switch that went from illness to wellness – and I’ve never looked back.
While fighting for my life, I’ll never forget meeting with one of the top infectious disease specialists in LA. He spent a lot of time looking over an endless stack of medical records. He turned to me and said, “Yes, you have Lyme disease and it’s very serious but that’s not your biggest issue. Your biggest issue is trauma.”
He understood. Immediately, I understood and I began to cry.
What he was really saying was the secret to getting well wasn’t to be found in any crazy Lyme protocol, mountains of antibiotics and supplements, healers, mystics, magicians or anything else. The secret to getting well was within me. It was in my mind. It was in my psyche. It was in the trauma and emotions buried deep within.
I knew the answer to my healing wasn’t out there. The answer was in here.
Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we are cracked open.
I had further to fall.
The harder we fall, the more cracks to let the light in.
Often, we need a catalyst. My daughter came for a visit. I wasn’t in a good place. I was sinking back into depression…old ways of thinking.
My daughter asked me, “Mom, what would you do if you were well?” Out popped, “I would travel the world.”
At that moment, something shifted. A crack opened. Light began to pour in.
I grabbed my computer. I started searching the world for places to travel. I began creating bucket lists. I hired a travel agent. Most importantly, I stopped searching for answers on how to heal Lyme disease. I stopped focusing on illness. I began focusing on wellness. I made a decision to heal. I never did travel the world but I became Fierce! And CatherineGraceO and the Forever Fierce Revolution were born.
Never once since that conversation have I allowed my focus to be centered on Lyme Disease. Never once have I worried that it would return. In that moment, I made a decision to be well. I made a promise, a commitment to myself to look forward rather than look behind.
That doctor gave me a great gift. He gave me freedom. He gave me permission to heal myself. I had to look squarely at the trauma.
It wasn’t the trauma that was keeping me trapped in illness but rather holding onto the trauma.
The decision to be well meant letting go of the past. It meant letting go of the trauma. It meant letting go of seeing myself as a victim.
Moxie is a state of mind.
Moxie requires us to live in the present.
Moxie means letting go of old baggage and anything that no longer serves you and propels you to a life of your dreams.
You can either hold onto the past or you can create a future.
You can’t do both.
It’s difficult to focus only on illness and be well.
Moxie was my ticket out.
PS- This post is not meant to trivialize anyone’s illness or to suggest that severe illness can be cured simply by changing your mindset. It’s just my personal story of how Moxie changed my life and allowed me to heal. Medical care was also a part of that journey. In my case, without the inner work, I don’t believe medical care alone would have saved me. If you have a serious illness or believe you might, be sure to get the proper medical care which may include physicians, therapists, and psychologists. They were all a great help to me during my illness.