To Sleep, Perchance to Dream – Moxie On Monday

Redondo Beach, CA

“I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” – Ernest Hemingway

Sleep has eluded me for much of life … that was, until now … until I tumbled off the proverbial treadmill I’ve been on, going a million miles a minute, into a new life at a much slower pace during quarantine and social isolation. 

I was born an insomniac or, more truthfully, into an environment that didn’t feel safe – where I never felt safe – leading to a lifelong battle with the simple act of sleeping peacefully.

The struggle was real with insomnia winning the battle much of the time. I feel certain my neural pathways began rewiring themselves at a very early age, keeping my nervous system on hyper overdrive. 

Fight or flight felt normal even though it wasn’t. 

This global pause has been like a permission slip from the universe to slow down, to exhale and to learn to live life – to be rather than to do – in a whole new way. 

I’ve experienced a cascade of “AHA” moments, simple yet brilliant awakenings, that have helped me to see and experience life in a wholly present way. 

I’ll admit that I struggled at first. I even struggled with the struggle. Why was I feeling so guilty? Why was I labeling this time as unproductive or lazy? Why wasn’t I letting myself off the hook – taking that permission slip to slow down and accepting that it was time?

If I’m being really honest, and I am – it was way past time. 

Oh, sure I’ve had moments before when I slowed down – but it was usually due to some calamity, trauma, hospitalization or life threatening illness. Even then, the monkeys in my mind would place labels – ones with a negative connotation- to the experience. 

This time is different. 

All of a sudden, things began to click. I began to change and to embrace this new time for the gift that it is – the space to dream – to enjoy the peace and calm leading to restful sleep, the wide open white space to create – to create a new me, one who lived life at a slower pace – who began to enjoy the power of the present moment – that and a delicious slumber. 

It’s as though one AHA moment has made way for a cascade of awakenings along with a fresh perspective on life and all the beauty that comes with it. 

As I write these words, I’m painfully aware that, although I’ve been given a gift – many others have not. Many are working harder than ever. Many are on the front lines of an invisible war or have lost loved ones without the grace of a proper goodbye. 

Part of me still struggles with not being able to help – not being able to serve or sacrifice in a big way. 

Yet, there’s acceptance in what I can do and what I can’t do. There’s gratitude in seeing the gifts and blessings for what they are – an opportunity to “be” more and to do less. 

It’s in the being that we change – not the doing. 

Human beings – that’s what we are – it’s what we are meant to do – to be. 

Being-ness can’t help but change us. 

Being changes what we do – how we do it and why we do it. 

When being meets doing, look out! The force of character that is you becomes unstoppable. 

The irony isn’t lost on me. I hope it isn’t on you. 

I’ve shared before that “Slow is the new strong.” I now know that to be true. 

Slowing down is good for the soul. 

Perhaps we humans were going much too fast – too quick for our souls to catch up. Perhaps less doing means a greater being – a more Moxieful human being. 

I’ve never slept so soundly in my life. Even with decades of spiritual practices, the feeling of peace and calm I’m feeling today eluded me for much of my life. This is something I’ve craved for almost my entire life.

Peace is power. 

Perhaps if we practiced peace more than we practice stress and worry, we would experience the world through fresh eyes – through a rested soul rather than a weary one. 

I don’t recall what it’s like not to have a village of monkeys chattering away – taking over my headspace. 

Those monkeys are gone. The cage is empty. What’s left is a beautiful void – a clear mind and a peaceful headspace – all from being and not doing – from slowing down rather than speeding up. 

True power is the opposite of force.

Cheers Beauties – who knew the most Moxie-ful thing  we can do is to do absolutely nothing at all.

Need More Moxie?! See all my Moxie On Monday’s!

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