Moxie On Monday: Many Versions of You: Why Perception Isn’t Reality

Have you ever thought about how every person in your life holds a different version of you in their mind?

There’s only one you. Yet, there are infinite stories being written about you by others. Each one is shaped by a different lens, a different experience, a different moment in time. Many of these stories are simply perceptions and not reality, although, to the person holding them, they feel like absolute truth.

We spend much of our lives trying to be seen, heard, and understood. But here’s a truth bomb for you: we will never truly see ourselves the way others do—and they will never fully see us the way we see ourselves.

This concept hit me like a brick during my second year in my Master’s program in Spiritual Psychology. We were given an exercise to interview close family members to share their memories of childhood. That prompted me to ask each of my four brothers what they remembered from our younger years. What came back wasn’t just surprising, it was mind-blowing. We grew up in the same house, under the same roof, with the same parents. And yet, each one of us had a completely different narrative of our upbringing.

How could that be? The answer is simple: perspective.

Imagine this: You’re climbing a mountain with a group of people. You’re on the same trail, heading toward the same peak. But you’re not walking in a tight line. You’re spread out, some ahead, some behind, and some pausing to take in the view. At any given moment, each climber is experiencing a different reality. Some see trees. Others see clouds. Some see the view from a glorious summit. Others only see a wall of rock as they look directly into the mountain. One might be uncomfortably shielding their eyes from the sun while another is walking in the  cool shade. It’s the same mountain but individual perspectives create very different realities.

Life operates the same way.

We tend to think there is one ultimate truth, yet there are countless realities, each shaped by where we’re standing, what we’re carrying, and how we’re looking at the world.

So how can this shift our lives for the better? Here are three ways:

1. Let go of needing to be understood by everyone.

It’s freeing to realize that you can’t control the story someone creates about you. You can only live your truth and allow that to be enough.

2. Practice curiosity over judgment.

The next time someone sees you differently than you see yourself, instead of reacting, become curious. What might they be seeing that you can’t? Become the witness. Try to step into their shoes to understand why they might be seeing a different side of you. After all, it works both ways, you also have a story about them!

3. Expand your perspective.

When we remember that everyone’s perception is valid to them, we can soften our defenses and open our hearts. Reality is malleable, not fixed. Expanding the way we see others helps us to stretch the way we see ourselves.

I’ll leave you with this. The next time you find yourself feeling misunderstood, remember this: you are not simply one story. You are a kaleidoscope of perspectives, and every single one is just a sliver of your truth.