“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” – Alyce Cornyn-Selby

Self sabotage can become instinctual. It’s automatic, unconscious most of the time. For a lot of women like yours truly, it becomes the friend you wish you never met.

And then, we reach Midlife. We begin to learn how life really works.

We begin to awaken – to learn that self sabotage can be “unlearned.” We realize that we have immense power over our inner world – conscious power over what remains unconscious. Every time we make the unconscious conscious, we evolve.

We learn to play the game of life with a new set of rules – a far more empowering set of rules.

Understanding the inner workings of our inner world is the ultimate game changer. Taking responsibility for our lives – our thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and mindset as well as our actions – equates to power. True power. The only power that exists.

As young girls, our culture teaches us all kinds of things – only to learn later on how many of those things we’ve been taught are holding us back; keeping us small, in comfortable little boxes.

Midlife becomes a pivot point – a powerful intersection between who we’ve been taught to be and who we choose to become. It’s also a time for some deep house cleaning. You know those dark, inner crevasses we haven’t dared to look at – those shadows that follow us, the ones that block our light.

Self sabotage blocks our light.

Self Love is the polar opposite of self sabotage.

I used to be the Queen of Self Sabotage. Sure I disguised it in all kinds of different ways, from self deprecating humor (you can read more in this post) to deflecting compliments. I could lob those compliments back so fast it would make your head spin. Simply put, I didn’t believe I was worthy of those compliments.

Not any more. Not after learning three words that changed my life.

Are you ready for those 3 Magic Words?

“Up Until Now!”

That’s it!

Simple, right? That’s the idea.

Change doesn’t have to be complicated! I’ve found just the opposite to be true. Simple changes, tiny little changes over time add up to massive and miraculous changes in our lives.

So why those 3 words, you may be wondering. What makes them so powerful?

Back to Midlife. By the time a woman reaches Midlife, she tends to have an unconscious that’s overloaded with thoughts, beliefs, and habits – many of which are negative, holding her back.

I sure did.

My unconscious was jam packed with all kinds of limiting beliefs and disempowering thoughts. Once I began examining my inner world, unpacking that world one belief and thought at a time, I was astonished by what I found. No wonder my life wasn’t working! No wonder I was attracting abusive partners who only reinforced all those negative beliefs about myself.

By Midlife, much of what we do is unconscious, on automatic pilot – like deflecting compliments or saying things like, “I’m not good at…,” I’m not pretty…” I can’t do that…” etc., etc.

They tend to roll off our tongues easily, unconsciously – the same way they circulate through our minds.

That is, until we nip them in the bud.

Begin by inserting those 3 magic words before you say anything reinforcing a negative belief about yourself or your ability to do something. Those 3 simple words place you firmly in the NOW, the only time your life can change, and they put you in the driver’s seat going forward – a conscious, positive driver’s seat where life and its wondrous possibilities are unlimited.

“Up until now” inserted before any statement that begins with I am, I can’t, etc cancels out the prior belief of what you can’t do allowing you to do or  to be absolutely anything going forward!

See, magic!

When you think about it, it’s really simple. Any part of your life, your belief system, that happened before NOW, this present moment, can be erased by those 3 magic words. Anything that held you back doesn’t exist in the NOW and won’t join you in the future – as long as YOU don’t invite it along!

The thing about self sabotage is – it requires a partner – You and You! Me and Me! US! Without you and I joining in, there is no self sabotage. There’s only Self – the true Self – the beautiful Moxie-Ful Self that is You!

Cheers Beauties. Here’s to Magic and Moxie!

Need More Moxie?! See all my Moxie On Monday’s!

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Up Until Now. What a fantastic mantra to seal in the new you. When I dropped the heavy load I kept carrying on my back….there was freedom from all those beliefs and habits that ran my life. Up Until Now….I can do anything!


Can you believe how sweet and simple yet life changing those words are, sister? Wonderful and yes you can!


Up until now I had excuses, up until now I let myself be controlled by fear instead of facts. Wow. That was scary. It feeeeels different, but up until now I didn’t feel like I was in control. I’m putting this into action today.


Up until now is tiny but HUGE!!! I adore you and you are one of the most capable and talented women I know sunshine!!!


Totally perfect!! Up until now I was afraid of failure , but failure is how we learn, right?


It’s the only way sister. Or, at least the most common way. Rarely, do we learn from success but we almost always learn from failure! Big XO


Wow! What a fantastic post! Thank you, Catherine! Sometimes its just as easy as 3 little words!


I love you and your awesome support sister. Sometimes, the simplest things are the most magical!


Catherine my sister. This is wonderfully informative and me all over. Thank you. I make the jokes to get a laugh but unconsciously I am putting myself down before anyone can. But those I know would never make me feel bad about myself. So it’s just me. All me. I will use this. Virtual hugs. Eileene Dillman


Who knew 3 little words could be so profoundly life changing, sister? They have definitely helped me keep myself pointed forward to a future of my own creation. Keep me posted on how they work for you!


Yes! Up until now, I was a perfectionist who tried to control everything and everyone around me. Up until now, I was uncomfortable with who I was and tried my best to puff up some fake version of myself. Up until now, I didn’t have amazing, fierce sisters bringing me along for the most empowering ride of my life. Thank you!


Up until now breaks the chain doesn’t it sister? So simple yet so powerful. Who we were is gone and who we are is in the making! I see a powerful and beautiful soul on her way to a magical life!

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